On empty

I find myself in a melancholy frame of mind. Trying to figure out the why. The how part I already know. The majority of the homeless have given up on the how and the why and survive with “is”. For example I have witnessed two others whome I know get thier housing vouchers. Both, got thier Medicaid and Sanp approved. Good for them one would consider. But I know that the both of them are heavy alcoholics and drug users. They seem to know that it’s a perpetual revolving door. Only, I have no door to even open at this time. I fill out endless forms and wait, with an ever close eye on the calendar. Winter, is almost here. I have been pice by pice changing my summer clothing for winter clothes. Ever, hoping a small sliver of movement will happen. The inclination is to start thinking poor poor me. The temptation is to open a bottle of vodka or buy some weed just to numb the feelings in me. But, I know they need to be dealt with and altering my mind will not change a dam thing. Except maybe falling the image have of the homeless. The healthcare system or lack of one here has rationed people out of thier lives. Tragically, 630,000 ++ people are dead, but, hospital profiles are at record levels. I get it this is the United States…if it’s not profitable it’s looked at with suspicion. However, how many more will become like me.
Well like many things here wait 5 minutes and it will be forgotten. The attention span simply shifts to somthing new every 5 minutes. So, tomorrow is a new day…and I will what it brings.
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